Insecurity, Parents, and Children/ 来自父母的不安全感对儿童成长的影响

Erik Erikson, Identity and the Life Cycle (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 1980), 105-107.

(《个性塑造与人生的诸阶段》，纽约：诺顿出版公司，1980。)

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Increasing numbers of us come to the conclusion that a child and even a baby—perhaps even the fetus—sensitively reflect the quality of the milieu in which they grow up. Children feel the tensions, insecurities, and rages of their parents even if they do not know their causes or witness their most overt manifestations. Therefore, you cannot fool children. Yet, rapid changes in the milieu often make it hard to know whether one must be genuine against a changing milieu or whether one may hope for a chance to do one’s bit in the way of bettering or stabilizing conditions. It is difficult, also, because in a changing world we are trying out—we must try out—new ways….

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… In order to ban autocracy, exploitation, and inequality in the world, we must first realize that the first inequality in life is that of child and adult. Human childhood is long, so that parents and schools may have time to accept the child’s personality in trust and to help it to be disciplined and human in the best sense known to us. This long childhood exposes the child to grave anxieties and to a lasting sense of insecurity which, if unduly and senselessly intensified, persists in the adult in the form of vague anxiety—anxiety which, in turn, contributes specifically to the tension of personal, political and even international life. This long childhood exposes adults to the temptation of thoughtlessly and often cruelly exploiting the child’s dependence. We make them pay for psychological debts owed to us by others; we make them the victim of tensions which we will not, or dare not, correct in ourselves or in our surroundings. We have learned not to stunt a child’s growing body with child labor; we must now learn not to break his growing spirit by making him the victim of our anxieties.

If we will only learn to let live, the plan for growth is all there.

（我的粗略翻译：

越来越多的人认识到：儿童、婴儿，甚至可能包括胎儿，都敏感地在他们的成长中反映着他们所经历的环境。儿童感受着父母的紧张、不安全感甚至狂暴，即便他们还无从知道父母为什么会这样，或者还未曾领略父母更极端的情绪宣泄。因此可以说，你什么也蒙蔽不了儿童。然而对父母来说，快速变化的生活环境确实常常让人在心态上难于应付，让人不知道是该横下心来拒斥变动的周遭，还是应该找个机会，自己想办法来改善或稳固外部条件。这确实很难，特别是因为在这个变动的世界里， 我们依然在尝试着——我们必须要去尝试——新的办法……

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……为 了根除世界上的专制、剥削与不平等，我们必须首先意识到人生中最初的不平等就发生在儿童与成人之间。人类的童年是漫长的。惟其如此，家长和学校更应该耐心并真诚地接受孩子的天性，用迄今对我们成人本身来说最好的方式来帮助孩子养成兼备自我约束力与同情心的个性。人类个体的漫长童年，使得儿童直接暴露在成人沉重并漫长的焦虑与不安全感之中。这样的情绪影响，如果不当地变得过度严重，就会使得儿童长大成人后依然承续了那一份无名的焦虑。这样的心理焦虑，又会扩大范围，依次引发个人生活、政治乃至国际关系的不适。幼小者漫长的童年也把成年人暴露在诱惑之下——使得我们成年人不假思索地并且常常是残酷地利用了儿童 的依赖性。我们让儿童来替我们偿还我们自己心理上亏欠他人的的债务；我们让他们成为我们心理不适的替罪羊，哪怕我们自己从来不愿、也不敢，从自己和自己的周遭来下手真正解决问题。我们已经学会了不要雇用童工来摧残儿童成长中的身体。我们务必也该懂得，不要破坏孩子的心理成长，不要使得他们成为我们心理焦虑的牺牲品。

哪怕我们仅仅学会了去让儿童自由发展，我们等于已经学会了养育之道的全部。）

© Copyright by Dun Wang (王敦). All rights reserved. 著作权拥有者：Dun Wang (王敦)。