诸神下界

晚清的“诸神”处境十分尴尬。在晚清小说里，像这样的段落令人莞尔。我也把它翻译成英文，希望尽量保持原有趣味。

文昌帝君怒容滿面曰：“甚么立憲！下界人只講得一句變法，便停了科舉，遂使我的血食登時冷淡起來，此刻索性鬧到天上來了。”

魁星曰：“豈但是你，便連我這枝朱筆也沒用了。你不見我么，舉起手，高高的提起這枝筆，永遠沒得點下去，好不難受！”

香案吏嘆曰：“豈但你二位，還有可怜的呢。自從那年中國把台灣割歸日本，日本听說是個立憲國，崇尚西法，不敬神道的，所有台澎一帶的府縣城隍，都沒了事，猶如裁缺官儿一般，都到天上來候補，天天到我這里來鑽門路。你道可怜不可怜？”

夜游神拍手道：“几個府縣城隍，又算得什么。你還不知道，自從台灣歸了日本之後，几十万個灶君，莫不流离失所，窮得十分可怜，跑回內地來，無可托足，往往餓急了，扒到人家灶突上窺探，等人家的灶君睡著了，卻下去偷冷飯吃。內中只有三四個得著好處的，這三四個跑到上海，查一查，見金隆、寶德、密采里等几家外國飯店是沒有灶君 的，他們便各据一家。天天吃大菜。…”

Lord Wenchang (god of letters) is very indignant: “What a constitutional reform! No sooner some people in the under realm say something about reform than their court abolishes the Imperial Examination.[1] This causes the reduction of offerings to me. Now the reform even disrupts the heaven!”

The Dipper Star[2] says: “Not only you are being affected. Even my red ink brush is useless now. Cannot you see it? I am holding my brush pen high, but cannot stroke it down.[3] This is really unbearable.

The Incense Burner Table Clerk sighed: “Not only you are pathetic. There are other wretched ones. Since that year China ceded Taiwan to Japan[4]—a constitutional monarchy that worships the West while disregarding gods and spirits—all the city gods in prefectures and counties in Taiwan and Penghu (The Pescadores) have been fired. Resembling laid-off officials, they swarm into the firmament, waiting for reassignments. They sit in my lobby everyday. Isn’t that pathetic?”

The Night Wandering Spirit claps his hands and says: “It’s not big news that some city gods have lost jobs. You know what? After Taiwan was taken by Japan, hundreds of thousands of kitchen gods have become poor vagabonds. They flee back to inland China but without a place to settle down. When they get too hungry, they climb up chimneys of households, waiting for the residential kitchen gods’ sleeping time. Then they will drop into the kitchens to steal some cold meals. A few lucky ones—only three or four of them—come to Shanghai. After some exploration, they discovered that several foreign restaurants—Jin Long, Bao De, Mi Cai Li and so on—have no residential kitchen gods. So they each occupy one kitchen. Everyday they eat Western dishes….

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[1] This was happened in 1905.

[2] Who is said to be another star that is in charge of literary fame.

[3] Such an expression implies that his duty is meaningless now. Without the Imperial Examination, his brush is useless.

[4] As a result of the First Sino-Japanese War (1894-1895).